Off Day

Yesterday was just a weird day for no apparent reason. The day started the same as any day, but as each hour passed by I could feel anxiety building. I didn't write in my journal, I didn't do my night-time yoga, I over-slept this morning and I didn't do my morning-yoga either.

I feel better today, inspite of the bad start, partly because I'm excited for a short film idea inspired by an experience I had last night. It's a simple idea, like a "slice-of-life", single-shot scene. I need a little time to plan the story arch, and then shoot it soon hopefully. I want to get a faster turn around from idea, develop, and execute. I have a tendency to question my ideas to the point where a new idea distracts from the old, and repeat.

Diane and I watched the already infamous Episode 4 of "True Detective", and I may have built up to much of an expectation from all the hype I heard; even so, it was still an impressive attempt to push the boundaries of tense edge-of-your-seat action. I'm starting to feel like the show is pushing the envelop of depravity to a degree of disbelief, and I'm hoping they slow things down a little bit.

Tonight, the family is going to Tim & Lauren's apartment to watch:

Color

Last night I successfully acomplished my goal of getting my latest video to the final stage of editing, which was color-grading and sound. 

I always forget how much I enjoy the color-grading process of filmmaking. You get to see the final potential of your vision, because everything before it just looks dry, flat and inconsistent. It is also a nerve recking process because you are constantly turning your grade-filter on-off wondering, "too much, too little, or am I just making this look worse". Not to mention the color of an image will look drastically different per the color of paint on the wall behind your monitor, the time of day, size/kind of display your looking at and exct... 

It's not easy, but it's a fun challenge and a skill that helps you tell your story. 

Here is a before & after of my current project:

Today started off with 20-minutes of yoga. I may have pushed some of my cobra and upward-dog poses a little too hard, and left me with a slight upper back strain. But that pain has already faded and I can easily make an adjustment to avoid re-agitating that. 

Tonight I'm going to take my Dad and Logan out for dinner, and then end the evening with a HBO double-bill of "Game of Theones", and "True Detective". 

Creative Inspiration: Casey Neistat

Daily Journal, 2/24/14

Still going strong with my twice a day yoga routine. I'm feeling a consistent reduction of pain for the first time in a while, so much that I can kind of imagine what it would be like to not be in pain when I move my body. I just have to keep reminding myself again and again, KEEP AT IT SHAWN!

Today I discovered some creative inspiration via: the Richroll podcast Episode #73

I really enjoyed hearing about the life story and creative endeavors of Casey Neistat (click this link for his youtube channel). His opinions on how to define your own creative success, and put forth effort above all else, really inspired me.

I'm really excited to get home and finish my latest video. I have made a deal with my partner, so that when I get home from my dentist appointment, I'm free to focus on finishing this project. All that I left to do is some color-grading and correction. So there is no reason for this to not be finished tonight. I have to be better about finishing what I started, it is just easier to get excited about new ideas, than it is to actually finish the ones you have already started.

"Ideas are just the things you haven't done" ~Casey Neistat~

Sunday!

Last night I started watching HBO's new drama series "True Detective", and I have to say I'm really impressed. It calls upon these dark and tense tones, similar to films like, "The silence of the Lambs", or "Seven". It is beautifully shot and acted in a style similar to "No Country for Old men". I'm really impressed with this show, and I'm counting the seconds until I watch the next episode.

I started Sunday off with my lower-back routine. I'm happy to report that I feel stronger and most importantly I'm in less pain with each go around. I will remain focused on this plan and this one fitness goal until I'm 100% pain/strain free. Then and only then will I start talking about weight loss, distance running and my rock climbing aspirations. 

Logan is down for a nap right now, and I'm doing some color-correction on my next video release. I'm having a lunch meeting for a commercial video gig today, but after that I have the rest of the evening to enjoy however I see fit.

This has been just a fantastic weekend!

Here is a Vine video I took last night. Logan is just getting so big, that I'm saddened to think of a day when he doesn't sleep on my lap like a baby. I know that day will bring new and different opportunities to keep a strong bond, but this gesture of endearment (and adorable exhaustion) will always be near and dear to my heart.

Game On

Daily Journal 2/22/14

I'm feeling fantastic! 

My new twice-a-day lower-back yoga practice is working wonders. I recommend this video to everyone looking for a relaxing flow routine that leaves room to be as challenging as you wish; and I ESPECIALLY recommend this to anyone rehabbing back pain or stiffness. I also recommend all the amazing health-based content on the psychetruth youtube channel




The first two times I did this it was a bit sloppy, but on the third go around I fell into a trance like flow that mixed equal parts strength, flexibility through the spine and deep relaxing thoughts. It was 20-minutes of the best yoga I've ever done in my short yogi-life. 

Last night was a fun night out of the house. I met a few friends for drinks, Diane went out to the city with her cousin for drinks and Logan had a sleepover with his Grandparents. Everyone getting out on their own was very cathartic. The winter season is tough, you coast through the beginning thanks to the holidays  and time off from work, but from January 2nd to today this family of three has been bunking down in the basement watching tv. We really needed to break away, breath some fresh air and expose ourselves to some new environments with a sense of social-independence.

Tonight will be another but different act of catharsis, the decision to watch "Game of Thrones: Season 2". We had this anxiety about watching this since we have not read book 2 yet; but reading time is a hot commodity and I figured why not use that time to read books that haven't been turned into a big budget television drama. We are excited to get back into that rich fantasy universe. Time to light a fire, dim the lights and watch people do horrible things in the pursuit of power.

Happy Friday

Yesterday was a pretty miserable day for me. But I did start my new lower-back routine and I woke up early today and did it again this morning. 

I'm off to a good start, and I'm going to continue on with this positivity through the weekend. I will plan some healthy meals, small serving sized treats :) and some fun physical activities of some kind. 

I also have some creative work to do, which is always exciting. Especially in this case because this new video cut is final and I'm moving forward to color grading. I shot this video a certain way, with two distinct color styles in mind. I can't wait to get my hands dirty and see how this turns out. 

I stumbled across this image on google+ today and I found it very soothing. Enjoy :)

See more of this photographers work here: http://500px.com/Shainblum

Achilles Back

Daily Journal, 2/20/14

I have been focused and working hard towards some big fitness goals. Then my back pain doubled, and a new pain in my foot showed up.

So... I'm feeling defeated. I have put so much effort into a healthy lifestyle and it still feels like my goals are just as far out of my reach as they were back when I first started this journey over a year ago.

My lovely partner is being as supportive as she can; she assures me that I look healthier than ever, and yet I still feel like a rotting sack of shit.

So I need to take a small step back on the fitness goals. I might not be running marathons or climbing mountains this summer, but I can still clean-up a few dietary loose ends and place all my physical energy towards reducing lower back pain in a different way.

I have been doing this foam-rolling exercise once a day for the past month, and it helps.

I will keep that routine going but I will do it twice a day; once in the morning and once before going to bed. I will follow that routine with yoga poses that specifically target the lower back area.

Starting tonight.

Wish me luck, because if it doesn't work, I will scorch the fucking earth with pacifist rage.

i.e. Facebook debates on yahoo news articles.

Rise

Daily Journal, 2/19/14

This morning Logan woke up early and I was able to change his first diaper and start feeding him breakfast. This is a rare occasion as I usually leave for work while he is still sound asleep. 

There is a sweet softness to his demener in the morning. 

(7:00 AM 2/19/14)

The sun looks amazing today, so that makes me hopeful that it will be a day full of positivity and bright smiles. I'll try to lead by example, and have some good water-cooler conversations at work. 

Today's to-do list:

4-mile run

Yoga

Feed George Michael

Video editing 

Friendly

Monday was a good night. Had a nice 4-mile run, played dodge ball with Logan (he lost horribly) and watched some Olympics with Diane. I also had a conversation with some new friends on Facebook. We met while defending veganism on a mutual friends comment thread and now we are going to make plans to hang out. Strange how friends are made these days. 

Connecting with new friends reminds me I should reach out and say hi to some old friends. It's easy to get into that thought process of, "well they aren't reaching out to me, so why reach out to them?", but that is just a semantic after all is said and done. So I'm going to make that a priority this week, and see what happens. 

Today I need to focus and work hard at the day-job, help cook a healthy dinner and do some video editing. 

Simply Happy

Daily Journal, 2/17/14

My Sunday was quite nice, but something happened that I want to elaborate on.

I'm listening to a "TED Radio" podcast episode called Simply Happy. This is a collection of interviews for the innovation and scientific study of human happiness. The entire episode is really interesting and many parts hit on something I struggle with, but one stood above the rest,

Happy people, do things slower, rather than faster.

Diane and I had decided to go out grocery shopping and then on our way home we would take Logan out into the woods to play in the snow. Great idea, but the execution gets tricky. We decide to leave after feeding Logan lunch, then as Logan is eating we see his eyes start to close and he falls asleep in his high-chair. Two-hours later Logan wakes up, we pack up and head out for our little day-trip. We start shopping and my mind started doing some negativity math.


2-hours behind schedule
+ There are chores to do
+ We still have to cook dinner
+ Clean up the mess dinner will make
+ The weekend is ending

= There is no time left and all the fun in the world is dying before my eyes and life is a cruel sick exercise of disappointment and mental anguish.

I was slammed with this crushing anxiety and it instantly took me out of the present moment. I angrily rushed the family out of the grocery store, and declared, "we are not going to the forest preserve, there is no time!". I stewed in the passenger seat staring angrily, then my partner saw the forest preserve and suggested, "lets just stop for a few minutes", and I begrudgingly agreed.

15-minutes of fresh air, sunlight and fun in the snow, was a jolt of pure happiness. With all that anxiety washed away we went on to finish everything we needed to do, and still had plenty of time for leisure before bedtime. Kudos to my partner, because sometimes listening means knowing what your partner is really saying, rather than just hearing the words that are being said.

A message to myself for the future:

Slow down.

Today is a straightforward typical Monday.

• 4-mile run
• Read to Logan
• Watch the Olympics
• Fold Laundry
• Get to bed early

Wealth

Daily Journal, 2/16/13

The three of us had a great time with our friends yesterday. Logan had so much fun playing with his cousin, we ate a delicious healthy dinner, and had some great conversation.

Most of my adult life I have spoke ill of capitalism, but now I realize how much of my happiness had been derived from material goods before becoming a parent. When I see that sweet little smile beaming at me, I know without a doubt that there is no financial riches, cool gadgets or fancy cars that could compete with the wealth of a child's love.

I have the entire day to bask in my riches and bask I shall.

Productivity

Daily Journal, 2/15/14

Last night was one of those rare evenings where you plan to do too much in too little of time, but then actually pull it off quite well.

I finished the second cut of my video project, and that is coming together quite nicely. 

The best part of the night was watching Logan give his valentine a gift.

Today I have a long 8-mile run, visiting our family/friends in Aurora and then maybe watch a movie and relax at home to wrap things up.

It will be fun to watch Logan play with another kid. Ever since we took him out of daycare he doesn't get to play with many peers. So it should be a fun day, and I can take pride knowing that before noon today I would have ran a total of 12-miles and finished all my chores between Friday night and Saturday morning.

Yay! It's the weekend :) let's have fun and get some rest. 

Adventure!

Daily Journal 2/14/14

Watching the Olympics, reading the novel "Born to Run" and just having an adventurous spirit, leaves me little choice but to constantly day-dream about big mountain vistas, a foot-path through the woods and untamed danger.

The sad and hypocritical truth to those daily thoughts, is that for every hour of imaginative adventure I wonder off on, I have acted out on about 1% of them. The fantasies are sincere, and yet the excuses are legit all-the while trivial. No long story here, just you know money, work, poor fitness and injuries; have all added up to sitting at home watching people like record breaking "free-climber" Alex Honnold, live out his dreams. Just the fact that these people vaulted over their own little excuses and are out there living these wild adventure stories for us to vicariously live through, replenishes my human spirit.

I don't want to write this from the voice of an ageing regretful sad-sap. I may have had excuses to not pursue my true adventurous spirit, but now as a parent I realize that it is my turn to be the  inspiration, artistic muse and fill someone elses head full of outlandish dreams or ideas. How they do or don't express such ideas, will be their path...

Magic Shoes, Daily Journal 2/13/14

Last night went alright, I finished my 4-mile run, 20-minutes of Yoga, did some chores in the Kitchen and spent time with Logan.

Today will be filled with work and chores mostly, but I'm looking forward to cooking my vegan lettuce tacos. One of my favorite meals and I actually enjoy cooking it as-well. 

Getting back into running feels great, it's a challenging hobby, so it was easy to forget that I actually enjoy doing. 

I just got my new running shoes in the mail yesterday and it reminds me of a Marc Maron standup bit called, "magic shoes". The joke is, how you can personally invest in a belief that new shoes will magically change who you are. As if, fat-piece-of-shit-eats-an-entire-bag-of-pita-chips-and-a-gallon-of-Hummus-in-one-sitting-Shawn magically vanished at the site of these shoes. 

There is an ingrained capitolistic truth that we all put our faith in new shit. That aside, I'm happy with my new Brooks Adrenaline running shoes, and I don't believe they have changed me but I do feel different about my health goals this time around. 

Zzzzzzz, Daily Journal 2/12/14

Last night I felt exhausted. I was falling asleep while sitting in place by about 8PM. I didn't actually go to bed until 10:30PM, which is actually early for my standards.

Based on how I felt this morning, hitting snooze over and over until the last possible moment, maybe it wasn't early enough.

Today is another day of standing-desk for the entire 8-hour work shift, followed by a 4-mile jog and some yoga. So my only goal tonight is to be asleep before 10PM. I'm pushing my body harder, reducing caffeine intake (1-cup of tea a day) and I'm eating really clean, so my body is craving rest and I owe it to myself to turn off the inner child screaming "BUT MOM! I DONT WANNA GO TO BED", and treat sleep as a gift rather than a chore. 

It won't be easy, I have a lot to pack into a little amount of time, but as long as I focus on what's important and save the liesure crap for the weekend, I should be able to do it all and hopefully do it well. 

Now back to eating my lunch and prepping for a night packed with challenges. 

I eat a lot of plants:

Ftispo, Daily Journal 2/11/14

Fitspo definition: Fitness Inspiration

Yesterday turned into an interesting day in the form of an inspiring podcast. I listen to about 10-hours of podcasts a day Monday-Friday, so I'm exposed to some of the most inspiring, talented and creative people on the planet on a regular basis. But yesterday I listened to the Rich Roll Podcast (a radio show about fitness, plant-based nutrition and wellness) episode 71, it was about a man with a similar health and wellness story as my own that pushed himself really hard physically and accomplished some incredible feats in a short amount of time.

Click on image to listen to the episode

Granted I have had some major issues resolving lower back pain, but the thing is if I don't push myself, strengthen my core and shed some excess weight, that pain isn't going anywhere. So this inspiration really comes at a great time.

So it got me thinking about goals, and for me the bigger the goal, the more tempting the challenge. This is probably why a guy who can't do a single pull-up fantasizes about mountain climbing on a regular basis. I picked running a marathon. I started the beginner marathon training program on www.runkeeper.com, and my training ends with a Marathon distance run on May 31st. So on that date I will run a distance of 26.2 miles on the Des Plaines River trail. Anyone can join me for all or any part of the run they wish. I will have a gps tracker that will live stream my location and pace for the entire day.

I will also keep doing yoga, foam roller stretches, and core-strength exercises to keep my back loose and as pain free as a I can. Even so, I still expect this to be a really difficult challenge, that will come with a handful of challenging aches and pains to battle through. But I'm going to enjoy it, or fake enjoy it through and through.

Last night was day-1 of my run program, I ran a solid 4-miles in 42 minutes. Adam Sully-Power from the podcast mentioned above talked about his running system where from start to finish on every sing run he runs for 8-minutes and then walks 2-minutes. You adjust how fast or slow you run/walk and that is your room for growth and improvement. It is supposed to help stave-off injuries and fatigue. I tried that last night and really liked it. I think I will stick with that system, and see if it helps.

Tonight is a day off from running, so I will do some challenging yoga, Foam roller, and spend some time with my family. I also need to schedule in some time to do some video-editing, maybe I can mix that in to my new habit of waking up early.

1,660th Fresh Start, Daily Journal 2/10/14

My weekend was perfect in every way but one, and that was diet. I talked about this last Monday and I'm annoyed to be talking about it again; but I really need to plan at least one healthy meal for both Saturday and Sunday.

I'm really not trying to hold myself to a standard of perfection, even my junk food is probably healthier than most, but I need at least one nutrient dense meal made of raw vegetables and fruits everyday. There should be no exceptions to that minimum. 

I started this morning off with hot water with fresh lemon juice to get a good cleanse going, and I will be back to my regular Kale Smothie and Spinach salad Mon-Fri meals. So I'm back on track, it's just a question of making it happen on the weekends too. 

So I'm going to set a reminder to plan some interesting, new and healthy meals to eat on the weekend. 

Today, I'm striving towards getting some exercise and to do some video editing. This week I'm back to working regular 8-hour days, so I will be blessed with some extra time at home. I also want to start reading to Logan more, he shows an interst in books, I just need to be pro-active. This family will make art & reading a priority. 

One final thought. I yearn for outdoor fun. I know it's cold and snowy but I feel trapped in my house. Hopefully this week I can get outside for a brisk walk in the woods. I'll take anything right about now, even 5-10 minutes of shivering would be worth some sunlight and fresh air. 

Sunday fun, Daily Journal 2/9/14

I slept in today after staying up late playing video games. I kind of regret that choice, but no harm done and now I have a fun day with the family ahead of me.

Last night we watched "Frances Ha", and I really loved it. It felt original, timeless and authentically sincere. Sincere is a rare vibe for movies today, they usually tend to heighten and sensationalize the emotions of a life-time into a smaller bite sized package. Frances Ha is more about a process, she's not a hero, a genius or for that matter special, you get a slice of her life and you watch her make a transition, the end. Beautiful, and things got a little teary eyed at the end.

We had vegan pancakes and hash-browns for breakfast, and now we are headed out to get some coffee, go grocery shopping and stop at the pet store for frozen rats and cat litter. 

Sunday shopping fun is over, I hope we didn't forget anything in the cart.

Father-Son, Daily Journal 2/8/14

Last night Logan and I had a Father-Son date. We went out for dinner and to visit friends in Melrose Park. It was a nice night. We found a strange comfort with silence. All those pre-child fantasies I had where you do cute adorable things together, actually turns out to be mostly quiet evenings eating food together.

At this very moment it's just him and I eating breakfast; he's force feeding bananas into his face, and I'm just reading a book and drinking coffee.

It feels great to spend some extra time with my little buddy. I had been working overtime the past month and we have not had a chance to bond as much as I prefer. 

It's interesting how the relationship dynamics change when you have a child. Diane and I had just been two people for nearly six years before Logan joined us. Now we have to go out of our way to try and break away from the triangular family dynamic now that it is the daily default mode. Don't get me wrong, It's great, fulfilling and I've never had a second thought, but you can't add a huge responsibility like that and then keep all the other interesting parts of your personality without making a conscience effort and sacrificing some expectations.

That's the goal for the this weekend, for everybody including Logan to explore their individuality and find a little bit of space in this life cluttered with love and responsibility. 

Logan is actually playing all by himself right now. By his choosing he just walked out of the kitchen and I can hear him interacting with his toys on his own. 

I'm going to try and sneak a picture of the moment.  

Little Logan with all his independence and space was actually breaking the rules and adventuring behind the couch to retrieve a lost ball, I'm so proud of my rebel. 

Adventure on little guy, but don't let Mommy see you. If she does, I will always be your fall-guy. 

Movie Night, Daily Journal 2/7/14

It's Friday!

The family has a plan free weekend, yay! So hopefully I can get caught up on some chores, get some great exercise and maybe find some time to play video games. 

But for tonight I would really like to watch this movie:

My only other goal for tonight would be to get to bed early. I have made it a habit of staying up late on Friday & Saturday nights, which means I get  to feel like garbage all Saturday and Sunday. It's still that one piece of non-parenting youth I'm desperately clinging on to, and it is just not worth it anymore.

Maybe I can wake up before Logan, sit at my kitchen table, drink a cup of tea and read a book in the morning sun. Sounds like a beautiful way to spend my weekend, so if I just focus on that maybe I won't sabotage myself.

Frustration, Daily Journal 2/6/14

This week has just been off for some reason. I feel a little unsettled and stuck in a loop of negative thoughts. I feel like I need to just snuggle under a blanket and watch my favorite film, "The Double life of Veronique". Something about that movie just squirms around in my sub-conscience, and I can't really articulate exactly why or how.

Then again, maybe some weeks just suck, and if that's the case I'm glad that it is almost over. 

Discovery News Channel, Daily Journal 2/5/14

My commute to work took twice as long as usual thanks to the snow. So today will be a quick entry.

So real quick, creative Tuesday was a huge failure. I worked late yesterday, had a ton of chores to do and fell into a youtube loop of watching awesome scientific stuff on the discovery news channel (highly recommend click picture below for link).

So everything I said I would do yesterday, I'm going to do tonight instead. I swear, it is going to happen.

www.youtube.com/users/dnewschannel

Creative Tuesday, Daily Journal 2/4/14

Yesterday was a tough day to get back on my healthy diet, the weekend had been such a departure from all the clean foods I eat the previous weekdays, that it was difficult to get back on that horse. I really need to plan meals and snacks for the weekends from now on.

Today has nothing special planned, so I have just now arbitrarily decided that today is creative Tuesday. 

Todays goals are: 

write on my lunch break 

Learn a new song on my harmonica

Video editing

I hope everyone has a great Tuesday. 

Thanks to Tim, Lauren, Becky and Steve for the Birthday Starbucks gift card. 

Be creative

Grateful, Daily Journal 2/3/14

After a night of Superbowl fun with friends, Diane and I did an amazing Yoga routine. I highly reccomend this for a beginner yoga relaxation routine. http://youtu.be/LKwhobK_zzQ

Then just before I went to bed I received a very complimentary email about the first-cut of a music video we are producing together. I haven't been as active with filmmaking as I would like, but it is really motivating to hear positive feedback from another artist. I wanna start finding more time to get to my unfinished work and keep working at my craft.

I have a new challenge on my lift app called, "Be grateful for one thing a day", and I thought I would share that daily habit on my journal.

Grateful thought of the day:
I'm grateful for my health. Lately, I have lost my patience with lower back pain and let it bring me to a negative place. I need to keep working towards recovery and keep those in mind who are struggling with bigger and sometimes insurmountable challenges. I have much health and fortune to be grateful for and I would be happier if I kept that in mind.

Daily Journal 2/2/14

Today is Superbowl Sunday, and the family and I will be at Tim & Lauren's for the game.

I woke up feeling a little hungover from all the wine and snacks I consumed the night before. A good time was had by all, but I do wish I resisted the urge to break out pita chips and Hummus. We already had dinner and desert so I didn't need more food. Oh well thankfully I started the day off right with a green smoothie, some creative time editing video and I will also get some exercise in before heading out to watch the big game.

I also need to say that I just read about Phillip Seymour Hoffman's death. He is one of my absolute favorite actors, and his performances in films like, "Synecdoche New York", "The Master", "Boogie Nights", and "The Savages", his memory will live on for a long time. That being said, it is still really sad to read about how long he had struggled with his addiction, how long he stayed clean and the children he left behind in his defeat. Losing a creative talent is a loss, but losing a Father at such a young age, is the tragedy that matters the most.

Everyone have a fun sunday and drive safely!

Daily Journal 2/1/14

Today started off with some extra sleep, which was amazing considering the previous 5-days had a 5A.M. alarm clock setting. I will offer the same luxury to Diane tomorrow morning, as to keep us both desperately clinging to the cliff of sanity.

It's a busy Saturday. I'm helping my Dad move some furniture, getting some exercise, and having guests over for dinner.

My favorite part about having guests come over is the cleaning. I love getting all motivated to make sure nobody sees what a slob I can be. The best part is saying, "sorry the place is such mess", as if we didn't spend half the day making our home look as good as a respectable persons messiest day.

Here is what our home looks like when were not expecting visitors:

And here is what it looks like when we are:

"Excuse the mess, we're just so darn busy." [modest laughter to display fake humility]